


Ramblings on Depression (Don't Mind Me)

by GentlyMad



Category: None - Fandom
Genre: Depression, Mental Health Issues, Other, Rambling, Suicide, brain vomit, robin williams - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-15
Updated: 2014-08-15
Packaged: 2018-02-13 06:37:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2140839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GentlyMad/pseuds/GentlyMad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not a fan work. Just needed a place to put this. Carry on, my wayward sons.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ramblings on Depression (Don't Mind Me)

I can’t seem to wrap my brain around the general reaction to Robin Williams’ death. “He was always joking and making people laugh. He was so funny. I can’t believe he could have done something like this.” 

I suppose it is a good thing that so many people are in shock over the suicide of someone known for filling the world with joy and laughter. I was surprised, but not necessarily shocked. Not because I knew the man or his thoughts, but because on at least some level, I can relate.

In all honesty, I thought that everyone considered suicide a viable option at some point in their life, just that some felt that way more often than others. Now I’m starting to see that there are a lot of people who do not understand depression at all. That feeling of being so utterly sad and worthless that sometimes you feel like you can’t even breathe.

Trying to pretend that you are a normally functioning human being is nothing short of exhausting. Putting on your best happy face for the world to see, smiling and laughing at the socially appropriate times. Pretending that all your current fantasies don't revolve around suicide. Not telling anyone that you spend all your time thinking of different ways to kill yourself but in the end you are just too chickenshit to go through with it because you are the kind of person that screws up everything that you touch and surely you wouldn’t even be successful at taking your own life. The pitying looks, measured concern, and gently-tread conversation following a failed attempt would surely be even worse.

People that don't understand depression want to look for reasons. Neat little boxes to check off that will explain why you feel the way you do, because really, you have a job, a good husband, a beautiful house, a nice car. There is no reason for you to be depressed. There are so many people in the world that are much worse off than you are, people that have real reasons to be depressed. And while that is certainly true, it just doesn’t work that way.

People that commit suicide are often rebuked as being selfish. Think of your friends and family and how much it will hurt them. Truth is, that is not what depression tells you. It constantly hangs over you, whispering in your ear that everyone will be better off when you are gone. You are putting them through pain by being pathetic and depressed, and while yes, it may hurt them in the initial moment, in the long run it will free them and they will be so much better off. Depression is incredibly adept at making itself sound like the sheer voice of reason.

As with every time there is a high-profile suicide, I see people trying to reach out, availing themselves as sounding boards, sharing toll free numbers of suicide prevention hotlines. The problem is, when you truly want to die, you wouldn't reach out to any of those. You aren't looking for platitudes. You don't want to be talked out of it. You just want the voices to stop. The pain to end. 

Sometimes the best thing you can do is to just be kind to people, because no matter how much you see them smiling on the outside, you never really know what is weighing on their hearts.


End file.
